I can't say Good-Bye

I can keep myself strong,

I can be here on my own,

But I can’t see myself, waking up all alone;

I can wait for a while,

I can bury the pain inside,

But how could you say me not to cry;

I know you cannot stay,

I know you went away,

So, how can I still live on this way?

I won’t again see you,

What’s life, I have no clue,

Could once again you can say I love you?

What if I give you rats and fish?

And promise to let you go to the trees?

Will you come back to me then, please?

This pain I can’t again stand,

To loose one of you, again

Come back! let this time it be different;

What will my gardens do?

What about your favourite umbrella blue?

Will you not say sometimes, that-'I miss you'?

I still remember the day you were born,

Till the day you ate your last corn,

The little whiskers I funnily teased,

The pats, so you were pleased,

The little finger that held me, when I was to move away;

On whose shoulders would you sit?

Who would force you, the ice-cream to eat?

Who will sing to you the songs?

Who will wake for you till long?

Whatever they say, but I know the mother’s lap is the best place you can stay.

I promise a better me,

I promise that you’d be free,

I will say all that you want to hear;

I know you love to hide,

And then sleep there by the side,

But baby, where are you now, I can no longer find.

I see the places you used to sit,

I know you’re not there and it feels so incomplete,

What’s my life without you; you’re the only thing I need.

I know this was your all,

I know this was your call,

May God bless you and may peace be the light in your soul,

Here’s the end to my song, no,

But I need a promise to me as you go;

Please don’t forget me ever and wait for me at the bridge over the rainbow;

I just want you to always wear that smile,

And I cannot stop my cry, but for you, I’ll try,

But oh baby, I can’t really say Good-bye.

 ((Dedicated to Chutki, my cat. R.I.P. my child))

The Re-birth

I was running from the dark,

In the search of some sparks,

The dark clouds above had surrounded me from everywhere,

So that I wasn't able to see any marks.

I ran, and ran with all my might,

But still there were the same things in the sight,

And somehow, between the dark sponges I thought,

I would never be able to reach the lights.

My bones had given the answer,

Only the things that made me run was my Soul,

The very guilt in my heart-"I was dark before"

Was the only thing to help me reach the goal.

I felt like I was running a marathon, with no one but myself,

But still the victory cup lay as far as it was before;

I felt like it was dusk- The sun I saw was going to set,

And heard the king of dark- The evil's roar.

Suddenly I saw a stone, which was shining,

As brighter as my guilty heart, which before was dim,

I found that the stone shone brighter and brighter

As my hope and faith increased in Him.

As it become brighter, I was forced to close my eyes,

My leg struck the stone and I fell from my fly,

I was on the grounds, not able to see anymore,

It was the end, I thought; the fruit of what I did sow.

I laid there helpless and unaware of where I was,

So, I tried and opened my eyes.

I saw a brown, wrinkled hand stretched out before me,

With no opinions in my heart left, I touched it gently;

It felt as soft as feathers

Then I realized, they were no one else's than my Almighty Father's.

He helped me stand up, as the wings does the bird,

I stood up and saw the beautiful ever garden of which I had never before heard,

And besides the enormous tree, underneath which I laid,

I found the same stone, which in my path had burned.

I saw up, and the bright had replaced the dark,

The sky carrying hundreds of birds and their barks,

I felt myself being born again,

I had the full energy as that of the rain,

I wanted to run, to skip and fly high,

Cause I was in the world, where there was nothing to lose nor to gain.

Then I turned and saw my soldier besides,

He smiled and said,- 'My child, here resides,

All my children, and my friends, and angels,

You too are welcome to stay here, and sit by my sides'.

'For every child is mine no matter what,

I'll always be here to forgive your mistakes lot,

I'm your creator, your Father. And whether or not,

you realize, I'll always be the guiding Shepherd to my goats'.

Waiting for you....

Its all about waiting and waiting…. For how long, I have no idea…..

All I have thought is, I’ll get all used up until I meet you.

Used up all the way, every scar I need to get, every hatred I need to pour out, every negative thing that’s ever gonna touch me in my life, I invite it right now, for when I’ll meet you, I just want to be nothing.

Just nothing and just empty like a water pot, with a hole from  where all the past things would flow away. And so that when I meet you, you can just cure that hole with your power  and  pour me with  your love and nothing else.

I want to come to you, like the lost and wingless bird, so that I can take shelter in your nest and fly again with your power of love.

I want to come to you as a crying stream, crying and flowing with all the mud and rocks that hurt me in my way and the dirt that ruined my pureness, so that I would just merge into your holiness, purity and just follow your way from then on and stay calm and lost  forever.

I want to come to you as a lost sheep, scared and running from the cunning world, with scars I’d get from  the dangerous wolves (with all due respect to the animals) and body all full of blood, so that I can stay in your warm hug forever and you can heal me and I would get the new wool again.

I want to come to you as a fallen autumn leaf,  torn and stepped on by the people, so that you may wash me with the pure water and keep me safe and warm in your book of life, which would make me green again.

I want to come to you as the drop of vapour, tired and lonely from the rest of the sea, and evaporated by the scorching heat; so that I may merge with you and transform myself into the again pure white pearl, to sacrifice myself to the earthly soil.

I want to come to you as a lost page, which lost all its writings and wisdom and crumbled by the people’s ignorance; so that I can be held up in your lovely soft hands and you may once again make me alive  with your love story.

I want to come to you as the breeze, lost and abandoned from the storm, so that you may feel me and I would be able to touch a thing so soft, and forever fill  your life.

I want to come to you as a flower, crumbled and stepped on, with the people from the other garden and the thorns from my own; so that I can stay under your feet as a blessed one and so that you can make me shine  again with the fragrance of your love.

I want to come to you as a tired traveller, frustrated of walking all the way in the scorched heat; so that I can forever end my  journey under your shade besides the holy pilgrimage and start a new saintly life under your guidance and shade.

And at last I want to come to you as a lost dog to his master, forgetting all about the days I spent in the pound and in the rusty, dark streets filled with scary people, so that I can live again with you forever, as I did before and again put that water logged stick in the mouth and run around in my heaven with you.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Always in love because of you.

In your wait, and anticipating the beautiful reunion of us.